It has been a long night, and while i have been unable to sleep i found myself "surfing" the net and look what i happened upon. This blog that i started a year or so ago with the intent of finding myself again... or finding myself period. As i went back and read my older post full of promises to love as hard as i could and to write about it in the process i laugh at how naive i was. I did love him but he had already paid his dues to the divorce reaper (lol). Me, I still had time to do. My divorce was not final when i met him and no matter how hard i tried to convince myself that he was right in saying that i had nothing to feel bad about, i know the truth. And because I did that to my husband it was only fair that the same thing happened to me. And I also know that he choose me because he could see that i was broken. I will never understand why he choose me to hurt especially knowing all the pain that i had been through. I really wish that he had let me go when i first asked him to or at least not held on to me so tight. But...he didnt and i have no room for regrets right now. Just alot of pain that needs not medicated but healing. I wish that I coulda let go of this hurt months ago because I think i missed out on a man that truly loves and cares about me and i hope its not too late to get him back......
Well, im gonna try to sleep now. I have yet to update my profile and I have no idea what it says right now so pay no attention to it. I will update it in time.
Later!
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry
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