I've been on this road before

On Wednesday Jan 9th, 2008 I got in my car after having been up since 4am and working a 10 hour day, and made that 2 hour drive back home to Toledo. Like i've done so many times before, but this time it felt different. I'm guessing it was because of the reason I was going back. Yeah, I had the pleasure of seeing loved ones but it was more Business than anything. What business you ask?

The business of beginnning again...

Finding myself again...

Getting my name back...

The business of a Divorce.

And as happy as I was to have this process done and over with, I truly believe that of all the things that I have had to deal with and will have to deal with for the rest of my life, that day (Thursday January 10, 2008) was the hardest day of my life. Because after having stood before God, my pastor, my family and my friends and made all of these vows to the man that I truly believed was to be my Husband. I had to stand before a Judge and go back on every word of it. I'm having the hardest time justifying this to myself. I know that i was only doing what needed to be done. I also know that he was not capable of being my husband. I know that he lost out on a helluva wife. And I also know that no matter what I'd have done and no matter how much longer I would've tried to stick it out it would have still ended. Toward the end, he simply stopped being my husband. and thats not what marriage, nor any relationship is about. When you make a comittment to another person, its not something that you can simply turn on and off at your discretion. It's an everyday, 365 position. Thats why I believe relationships are soooo special. because when you've made that comittment to someone, all of your words and actions go into holding that person down. Good days and bad days. And its the bad days that really show you how special your relationship is. Because without them, you never Really know the tolerance threshold of the person that you are with. You never know if they will just easily give up on you and most of all you would never know if they thought you were worth it. Whatever IT is. Because isn't that what we all want anyway??? To know that Someone thinks that we are worth it?

to be continued...