It's finally about me

You ever feel like you have to justify focusing on yourself? Like you have to explain to others why you have finally, after all this time, chosen to put yourself and your needs first?? Well that's how I feel. For my whole life I've been a people pleas er. Every decision that I've ever made has always been about how someone else would feel or how it would affect someone else. Never how it affects me, or how it would make me feel. It was never about how this certain decision would affect my happiness. The Jobs I've chosen, the hours I've worked, the college I attended, all have been about making myself available to other people. "Someone might need me." was always my first thought. I could never be away from my phone, I could never be inaccessible, I had to always let someone know where I was. Beyond safety reasons. In gist, I needed to be needed. I haven't figured out why yet but It validated me to have people need me. But one day I woke up and realized that I was not only doing a disservice to myself, but to my friends as well. Having them rely on me and me always being there for them no matter how big or small the problem, wasn't teaching them to be self sufficient. After all, isn't that what determines our success in life? our ability to be self sufficient. So, with that said, I finally did something I've wanted to do for the last 7 years. Moved to a different city. 3 hours south of my hometown. Far enough away that people can't just "drop by" but close enough that if I get home sick I can drive back home for the weekend. I have to say this though. Me living for my friends is not their fault. It was a decision that I made. I'm the one who gave myself that place in their lives. Granted, they don't have the right to be upset with me for doing what makes me happy. But I can understand how one could feel like I just left them hanging. But what I can't understand is why my "friends" wouldn't be genuinely happy for me? Why would they make me feel guilty for FINALLY going after my dreams??? Whatever, I guess all I can say is "Get over it!"

So, I've been in Dublin for a month in a half now and things are Not going according to plans. Feeling a bit discouraged. I'll tell you about the roadblocks another day.